Thirsty Horses

Bare-boned tired.  Sleep has been coming in only five-hour bouts lately.  Too much worrying.  The cardiologist checked out Mom's heart today and found that two arteries leading to her heart were at least 90% clogged.  Close to a heart attack.  I love my mom dearly, but she has been overweight for a long time and has smoked her entire adult life, two biggies in shortening one's time on this planet.  Mom has not had a smoke since I brought her in six days ago.  She's doing O.K. without them.

About ten years ago, my youngest brother, Mike, contracted one of those antibiotic-resistant infections.  His idiot doctors in Auburn screwed up and allowed the infection to get so bad it was attacking his vital organs.  Luckily, we were able to get Mike away from the hacks in Auburn, and move him to the University of Washington Medical Center.  He had reached a point where the heart surgeon addressed our family, letting us know Mike might not make it through surgery.  His heart was in that bad of shape.  Well, Mike did miraculously make it through his ordeal with a new pig valve sewn into his heart.

My brother weighed over 400 pounds when he was admitted.  He lost about 80 pounds while in the hospital.  The doctor was very matter-of-fact, letting Mike know if he didn't lose more weight, his chances of living past his forties were slim.  My little brother was given a second chance.  He did not take advantage of his reprieve.  Five years later, Mike was again admitted to the hospital, weighing over 380 pounds.  He didn't make it the second time, that heart finally gave out on him at age thirty-four..

Tonight, when my brother Tom and I began talking to our mom about how she needed to give up smoking, and how she now had some momentum built up, she started in with the excuses.  Here she is, being given her second chance, and Mom is already laying the groundwork for failure.  It is beyond tough to see someone not take advantage of an opportunity that could help them live longer.  So how much time will we get with her?  What will her remaining years be like?  Who the hell knows.